


Haunt Me Like an Old House

by DreamersEclipse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Frigga's death, Loki's cell, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Avengers (2012), TDW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4870825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamersEclipse/pseuds/DreamersEclipse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki didn’t even flinch in surprise anymore when Tony appeared out of nowhere in his cell. These days he was the only company he received besides his mother and the occasional eye of other prisoners. Secretly he was pleased to have him for however long he lingered, even if they would never have what they once did before his imprisonment in Asgard. In the same instance it was driving him to further madness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunt Me Like an Old House

He had been silently fuming for the past hour when it happened again. His fists were scabbed over and stained with blood from the exchange of blows he’d had with one of the walls. It was unfortunate for him to say that he lost, but the wounds didn’t hurt and they’d be gone soon if the anger boiling within him dissipated before the blank white wall taunted him some more.

From his position on the floor, it certainly looked like it was mocking him. It’s impenetrable, inescapable expanse towering over him like a judge. Loki felt his stomach twist painfully and his blood shot eyes slid over to the table of food that appeared with fresh food every day without fail. The sight only made him want to throw up in protest at just the thought. With a troubled sigh his eyes slid back over to the wall with maroon red streaks across it.

“You don’t look so hot.” A warm voice full of concern and never ending mischief said from above him.

He looked up, dull pain throbbing in his fists and saw Tony squatting next to him on the floor. His heart fluttered in happiness to see him once more and the tension in his chest lifted just the slightest. Truly, he was far gone although he couldn’t quite find the strength to care anymore. After so many visits he’s learned to accept this much at least. 

“Nor do I feel it.” He replied and winced as he tried to sit up. Tony watched him struggle but didn’t move. Instead when Loki was finally resting against the wall closest to him, the engineer joined him and sat as close to him as possible without touching. 

“You holding in there okay?” Tony asked with warm brown eyes.

Loki gave him a pointed look. “You already know the answer to that question. Don’t mock me.”

“Hey, I wasn’t mocking you.” The engineer defended. “I’m just concerned. You’re picking fights with walls and you haven’t eaten in three days. Now, I may be the king in self-destructive behavior but even I know that’s not healthy.”

“I’m not hungry.” Loki replied blithely, pulling one knee into his chest and resting an arm on it while he tiredly laid his head back against the wall, his eyes fluttering shut. Perhaps sleep would do him some good.

Tony made a disagreeing noise in his throat, the sound he would always make when he was about to correct someone. “See, now, I know that’s not true because I can hear your stomach growling from New York. So how about you drag your scrawny ass over to that table and at least eat a pear or whatever the hell that weird little red fruit thing is.”

The trickster peeled open one eye and met the brunette’s unwavering stare. There was a stubborn set to his jaw that made the trickster feel fond. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a second before giving a resigned sigh and trying not to let his wooziness show too much as he arose. 

“Whoop!” Tony cheered as he got up with him. “Tony: 1, Loki: nada. Or, I suppose to be fair you’re a winner too because you’re doing something healthy for yourself. Look at that, functioning like a normal, grown up, space alien magician. Bet you, you make your mom proud, am I right?”

“Shut up, Stark.” Loki grumbled as he took a seat at the table. 

The engineer just smiled over at him as he sat on his bed and kept him company while he ate. 

Then he was gone.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

He had been rereading one of his books for a fifth time when it happened again. As much as he had always been an appreciator of literature, he found himself wanting to tear the collection in his cage to shreds, light the remains on fire and roll around in the ashes because at least then the books would entertain him once more. Frigga was due to give him some new materiel but she’d been too busy with matters of a Queen to be bothered to visit her ‘son’ in his cell.

The four other books that he had been allowed were sitting next to him on the bed, waiting to be reread a sixth or seventh time each but he was exhausted. With no sunlight or clock of any sort he couldn’t be sure how long it has been since he last slept. Perhaps it was days, or just minutes- his perception of such was so skewered these days that he knew only exhaustion all the time. Even his sleeps were restless.

“So something tells me you haven’t slept in a couple days. I don’t know, maybe it was the bags under your eyes that gave it away or maybe I’m just psychic and know these things.”

Tony was standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest with an eyebrow lifted. 

“I’m in no mood for your patronizing.”

“Good! Let’s skip that part then and get to the part where you lay your head down on that there pillow and catch some Z’s. What do’ya say, Lokes?”

Loki felt jostled by the nickname. It had been so long since he’s heard it. His heart thudded painfully a couple times. Stubbornly he replied, “I know what awaits me in my dreams. I do not wish to experience such darkness at this moment.”

“Yeah because passing out from utter exhaustion makes so much sense if you want to avoid nightmares. That’s what’s going to happen if you keep your eyes open any longer.” His tone dropped down to a soft tone full of worry, “Loki, you need to sleep. Even gods have their limits. You should know that better than anyone.”

The human kneeled down in front of the bed and reached out as though to grab the god’s hand but his fingers only hovered hesitantly for a couple seconds before he retracted it. 

Loki felt a stab of disappointment that left him internally bleeding profusely. “Why do you keep appearing before me? Do you wish to drive me mad? Madder than I already am?” He said desperately, tears stinging behind his eyes.

Tony looked stricken as he glanced away guiltily. “Is that what you think this is? Don’t tell me that you don’t want me here…”

It hurt. It shouldn’t have but it hurt. Loki swallowed thickly, emotions sinking like a stone into his stomach where he at least didn’t have to feel them threatening on his tongue. He laid himself out on the bed, rolled on his side so he was facing the wall. His words came out feeble, wobbling slightly but he saw no other way to end this exchange. “Speak with me till I fall asleep.”

Tony told a story from his youth that Loki’s heard more times than he could count but it was comforting. The words seemed to follow him into his dream, turning it into something much worse than a nightmare with the smell of car oil and prickly stubble burning nostalgia through his heart.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

He had been in a dejected haze when it happened again. There were no words for his grief, no balm for his pain and no shred of decency in his mourning. Forced to rot in this cell, this prison, isolation his world and criminals his company without even being that much. Punishment was a lie, this was indecent subjugation and he was a prince and a prize of war so he would know the difference between such things. 

“It was my fault.” He said aloud, voicing what had been circling his mind viciously for days.

“If you’re expecting me to reaffirm the self-blame, you’ll be disappointed.” Tony said softly from beside him. Loki turned on his heel to see him, not sure why the engineer was here while knowing the answer to that all the same. 

He tried to glare but it felt lacking. His anger was directed to anyone, everyone but the man in front of him. Odin. Thor… Himself. “What good are you then?” Loki replied in a bitter jibe.

“Mainly things that involve sex, alcohol and technology. Not all at once mind you, although I have tried things and I’m a pretty good multi-tasker.” If this were any other situation, in any other place Loki would be laughing in good humor. But that wasn’t the case and Tony’s tone was dry; they were words that simply fell past the filter and out of his mouth without any effort.

The trickster bit back the hallow laughter that wanted to spill out. “Be gone. I do not wish to hear the words that would come out of your mouth in this moment. I’m not in a well enough state to bear your…company.”

“You shouldn’t be alone right now.” Tony insisted.

“But I am.” Loki said, gaze downcast. Anger boiled, deep and dangerous in his gut. It was so familiar by now, his hurt a true masterpiece of a shredded heart and pride. There was no cure for it. His fists clenched but he could hardly feel the sharp dig of nails into his palms. 

“He wouldn’t even let me go to the funeral. Am I unworthy of even that much? The woman who raised me, the…the last person in Asgard to truly love me. What justice is that? And the man who claims to ‘be my brother’,” the words drained from him in a pained hiss, “can’t even muster the courage or decency to come tell me himself that our mother- that…the woman who raised us is dead. He cannot even give me that much and he sends a simpleton guard to deliver the message for him as if he could get any more impersonal than that!”

His chest heaved heavily up and down and hot warmth dripped over his fingers onto the floor. Tears burned behind his eyes. If he hadn’t completely destroyed everything in his cell already he would do it again. 

Tony stepped in front of him, drawing his attention. There was a look on his face, a hurt and brokenness that had been there when they had parted ways on Earth going on two years ago. It drove the knife in his broken heart even deeper because that look was apparently destined to haunt him, just as this man was.

“You know it wasn’t your fault. The Dark Elves were after the aether and they would have found her one way or another; your mom would have defended her still. It’s dangerous territory, going into the What Ifs. You could drive yourself mad like that. Trust me, I know.” 

The engineer reached up his hand again like he was to touch his jaw but the hand stopped and there was nothing but pain in his expression. Loki knew the words he spoke were true but there was still that part of him full of hate and fear and blame that would forever regret directing that monster to the stairs- as if he wasn’t already screwed up, adding the death of the Queen to his issues was the cherry on top of everything to hate about himself.

Loki glanced at Tony’s hand which still hovered between them. Everything was coming to a head. Everything was falling apart and he knew that this would be the last time he saw Tony. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or if his heart shattered into one more jaded piece.

Understanding lit up the mortal’s chocolate brown eyes. 

“I will be without love from this point on, it seems. I’ve long since lost the ones who once cared and I’ve pushed away the ones who loved me.” Loki shuffled closer to Tony, invading his space as much as possible without actually touching him. His eyes closed as a pained sigh escaped him.

“I never did say the words. Didn’t get a chance to at the end before you left.” Tony’s lips hovered close to his and Loki thought he felt the ghost of breath against his. He looked down into the mortal’s half lidded eyes and ached so much he wondered if he would die of the pain. The tug of a corner of the engineer’s lips was welcome and hated all in one.

“Can you imagine me saying them, Loki? Do you think I would have said it to you? That I’d mean it? But then again…you didn’t say the words either, did you?”

“I did not.” He whispered mournfully and leaned in to kiss Tony but the moment their lips touched Tony faded in a green light that left him all alone once more. This time for good.


End file.
